A Ghanian Wedding!

Joy asked me the other day if I wanted to go to a wedding this weekend. I was surprised that you could bring an uninvited guest especially so last minute, but she assured me it would be fine. I heard her friend talking about a very rich persons wedding that did not allow guests, so it seems that bringing people along is customary, maybe the bigger the wedding the better. She then explained that she is the maid of honor! She was arguing with the bride to be because she had work on Friday, and the bride was furious that she would not be available to take the day off. Joy explained that since she just started this job she could not possibly miss a day, and told me afterwards that she didn’t think this friend would have done as much work for her and made as much of a sacrifice as she had already. Joy wanted to ensure that I had a nice dress for the wedding and helped me bargain for a long red dress in the market. I was disappointed that my custom made African fabric dresses would not be ready until next week, but as I didn’t bring any nice clothes I agreed to purchase a ready made one. We planned to buy a red beaded necklace to match it but did not end up having time so Joyce lent me one of hers. It was sweet how concerned she was that I was prepared and properly adorned for the wedding.
Since she was in the bridal party, she wouldn’t be able to take me there or sit with me, so she sent her younger sister Kristen who I think is about 14. Not only Kristen but their younger sister Audrey and her brother Ebenezer all showed up at my door at 9am. My host mom was about to serve my breakfast and asked them to “wait small” and they obliged without complaint and sat down to watch TV. I tried to eat my butter toast (mostly butter with a little bit of toast...so much for losing weight) and drink up my tea as fast as possible. Ebenezer, who seems to be about 20 put Kristen and I in a taxi and rode his bicycle behind us until we got to town. The downtown area is about 10 minutes drive from my neighborhood. When we got to the central taxi depot, there were 10 girls wearing matching turquoise taffeta shirts and blue jeans. It seemed that they were also waiting for us, which made me feel guilty again about running late but they didn’t show any signs of frustration. We piled into 2 cars, 6 girls in each and drove out of the city to a small village area.
A colorful tent was set up in front of a low concrete building with no decoration indicating that it was a church but they said it was called the Winning Union Church. Plastic chairs were set up throughout the long room leading up to a stage. Bright green and gold banners hung elegantly across the room. As guests filed in, a bunch of young people were singing religious songs on the stage. The songs were upbeat and had good rhythm, most people were standing in front of their chairs and dancing, and as it became more crowded, guests made their way to the front area to dance and clap their hands. Women wore an array of outfits ranging from the traditional Kaba and slit outfit (long tight skirt with matching top and headpiece), flowery summer dresses, shiny taffeta party dresses and button down white shirts with black vests over them and business pants. Some women wore shiny head scarves that looked like wrapping paper, others had their hair done in fancy formations on their heads, long curls, braids in varying colors, or shaved to a fine fuzz around their skulls. The men looked handsome in black, tan and white suits, or button downs with business pants.
The pastor greeted the audience and lead the crowd to begin singing a hymn. I found it ironic that the hymn was about praying for rain showers, not something I would want on my wedding day but indicative perhaps of the environment. Simple programs were passed out among the rows indicating the order of events. The crowd turned towards the door, still singing the hymn, and many women began shrieking and yelling “hallelujah” when the bridal party and then the pride walked in. There was only one bridesmaid, my friend Joy, and one groomsman. The bride and groom walked in arm in arm down the aisle, she in a bright white dress, long veil with sparkle designs and long train, and he in a suit. The color scheme was a light green with gold which the bridal party wore. The couple sat down on chairs in front of the maid of honor and best man to the left of the audience. As cameras stopped clicking and people calmed down, the pastor stepped up to make a sermon.
I really enjoyed his speech about marriage. It seems to be customary here after an engagement for the couple to go to counseling with the pastor, which I think is a great tradition. He said that what he first asks them each, is to write down 10 things they expect from marriage. He joked that if the man says “I want someone to cook, wash my clothes and rub my back” he has recommendations for a cook, a washerwoman and a masseuse because these are not what marriage is about. He explained that marriage is about companionship, sharing, and compromise. He taught that it is necessary to adapt, because it is the combining of two people with different upbringing and different cultures. He gave an amusing anecdote about how he did not grow up eating spicy food, but had to learn the hard way to make his body used to it. He read from the Bible and explained that God made Eve as a gift for Adam, to be his equal, not beneath him, and that marriage is also a precious gift. He emphasized that a woman is not expected to be an incubator for babies, that the in-laws should not pressure her, that children are a gift which may come, and if they do not, adoption is always an option. I was impressed by this last piece and it showed the way the culture is changing from more traditional beliefs. He said that marriage is about acceptance of each other, transparency and honesty, communication above all, and learning to resolve conflicts. I really enjoyed this lecture and was impressed by his speech. He spoke in English and it was translated equally emphatically by a woman into the local language of Dagbani. The choir group sang more songs that had everyone singing along and tapping their feet, some even standing to dance again. Then the couple stood up and exchanged their vows at the front of the room. It was sweet that the maid of honor and best man both had hankerchiefs to dab the bride and grooms faces so that they would not have a drop of sweat on them despite the stuffy heat of the room. All four of them stood up there while another pastor lead them in repeating their vows. They were pretty similar to U.S. weddings, more religious than I am used to, thanking God and Jesus for each other, submitting to each other as to God and Jesus and praying many times. Then they took communion, kneeling on pillows next to each other. They then exchanged rings, and a great chorus of shrieks went up as the groom slowly rolled up her veil. He looked thoroughly embarassed as he leaned in to kiss his new bride and the couple was surrounded by guests with cameras and the whole room was shrieking and clapping.
The couple left the room briefly through a door on the stage, and the choir broke out into song. The area in front of the chairs filled with people dancing, old and young, men and women, tall and short, in a great blur of colors and figures. People danced down the aisle like a never ending conga line, and pulled hankerchiefs from their pocket to wave in the air. It was such a celebration and so much fun to see every single person in the room regardless of their age, shape or outfit wiggling their rears, shaking their shoulders, laughing and clapping and lifting up their feet. The new couple emerged and joined in the fun. I wondered if everyone at my wedding would get up and dance like that because it was just contagious happiness everywhere it felt so full of love even though I was a complete stranger.
An offering was passed around and people dropped in whatever they could, a closing prayer was announced and the pastor asked people to please not throw lavender or anything else at the couple as they walked out. Another hymn was sung as the couple left, I liked the fact that it was all of their friends and family singing to them. The crowd moved outside and rotated along to take pictures with the bride and groom. After about 30 minutes everyone was ushered back inside and the bridal party sat at a table on stage. “Fred and Sylvia part two” the pastor announced, and soda and cookies were passed around the crowd as more songs were sung by the choir. The group of girls I had come in with performed several choreographed danced to both religious and what seemed to be traditional Ghanian music. When the power briefly went out they ended the dance and moved on to the popping of champagne bottles, the cutting of the cake, (which I felt conflicted about when I saw the large white barbie doll on top) and then a song sung by the bride to her groom. The day had gone on from 9:30 to 2:30 and people seemed ready to go home and eat a meal. I felt really honored to be there and greatly enjoyed it. Celebrating love in any culture is always a happy occasion :-)